lucky 13.............. (days post op)

Geez, I was a wreck last night. After having a talk (cry) with my husband, I'm finally feeling a little better.  I vented all of my frustrations and told him I'm just not strong enough to handle everything I'm going through right now and I'm SOOOO tired and frustrated with all of it.  He calmed me down and made me feel better about the way I look and told me his side of things. It was good to talk... I was dreading it but I feel a bazillion times better =)
The one thing that you can't learn from any blog, doctor or internet site regarding recovery is how you are going to feel emotionally after your surgery.  The surgery blues are probably pretty common, in fact I even read about many women feeling depressed after their procedure because of their new look but I had NO idea I'd be one of them. I consider myself strong, I'm not much of a crier but it hit me hard.  The things on my mind I pretty much blatently stated in my last post but to sum it up, I want to be done feeling like an 80 year old =/  I'm hunched over, tired, in pain, have sores that won't stop bleeding, can't sleep comfortably, feel ugly and am sooooo frustrated.
And today, when my wound was still bleeding and then one next to it opened up and started pouring out blackish looking blood I just decided, screw it!  I put some gauze pads on, taped myself up, put on my abdominal binder and have been going about my day.  I've been on the couch as much as possible and am feeling pretty good. The gauze pads haven't filled up yet and I'm trying to stay optimistic but we'll see.
Dr. Bradley told me to keep pressure on it and let it heal itself, I've tried this several times, once even stayed on the couch for 3 hours to let it clot and scab up and as soon as I stood, blood started spilling out so gauze pads are the way to go.  I'm assuming he'll want to put in a couple stitches at my appointment tomorrow =/  lame. I am slightly upset that I didn't have the drains, once again, because I don't think the blood would be pouring like it is. I assume the reason it hasn't stopped is because I was so swollen and the fluid found a spot to get out and isn't taking any chances haha my body wants it out!  Oh well, eventually this will all be in the past and I'll read these posts and be thankful that it's over with and feel much stronger for making it through =)