Worry free!

My biggest fear jumping into this surgery is GUILT.  This 5 letter word can really bring a girl down!!  I have felt guilty about the money, it could be used to buy us a camper or a boat... kid's college education.... mustang 5.0?! Then, I worry about the people that are taking care of me and the kids; I hate to be a burden on anyone =/  I have been a pain in the bum lately because of all of this guilt which makes me feel even guiltier!  I am a bonified stress eater and this past week have just not cared, which adds to my guilt because I worked so hard to get to this point in my life and now that surgery is just days away, I don't care?! What the HECK is going on with me?!!? ahhhhhh

So why is this titled "worry free"?  Because I am DONE worrying =)  I don't care. I want to be happy and if all that takes is letting go of every crazy thought, then I'm okay with that.  Maybe this means I've finally accepted my psychotic tendencies?! LOL  Lying in bed last night I started asking my husband if he would still be happy with me if my surgery didn't turn out right.  He looked at me like I was an idiot.... "duh, babe, you're beautiful in more ways than your body."  aweeeeeee... he stumbles upon the right things to say sometimes and this time, he really hit the head on the nail!  I love him and care about him so much and I am probably the luckiest girl in the world!  No, I didn't win the lottery or inherit millions but I found the most amazing man and we made the most amazing little family and life together =)

Ok, enough mush.  So, I'm done stressing; I'm going into this surgery with a smile on my face, having God and Mark at my back.  My surgeon knows what he's doing and seems to really care about his patients outcome.  He has been doing this over 13 years and from the pictures in his office, he's not a Hollywood doctor. What I mean by this is, I'm going to look natural versus too large on top and too small at the waist =)  I just want him to put humpty dumpty back together again (minus a few pounds of flesh) eww.

I have prepared my little "station" where my recovery will take place. Anna is going to stay with my best friend, Marky with Great Grandma and I should have some help here at the house.  It's a good thing I planned this for a Friday so that I could have the worst during the weekend and then a (hopefully) relaxing week.

I have worried about everything from passing out while he's drawing incision lines, not waking up, waking up to deformed looking breasts and choppy incision on body lift, PAIN, infection, drains, etc etc etc and that's enough! No more worrying! It is what it is and no matter how much I worry and stress, it's not going to change the fact that on May 13 at 6 a.m. I am walking into that office and going through with some serious cosmetic surgery. Wish me luck =)