You won't believe me....

September 6, 2011, Dr. Camp released me because my wounds had both closed and I was "healed"..... but then, fast forward to mid October and I still had a scab on the left side.  I figured it would heal soon enough and I wasn't using and dressing or bandage over it.  No drainage, but pretty painful.

Couple days before Halloween and waa-laa, the scab has fallen off and I'm super happy because everything looks good and closed up =)

On Oct. 30, I noticed that I had some drainage on my panties from the left side wound.  I checked out the wound and sure enough, it had opened to about the size of a dime =/  I began putting bandaids and neosporin (antibiotic ointment) on it and prayed for the best.

Within 1 week, the wound has opened up larger than a quarter and is draining green again =(  I called Dr. Camp and have an appointment tomorrow.  I'm nervous that the infection is still brewing.... even after all of these months of feeling great!

In better news..... I have been running pretty much every day and working out at the gym.  I have done a couple of 5k races and one 10k.  I am looking forward to running a 1/2 marathon on Nov. 19.... God willing. 

there IS a light at the end of the tunnel

Had my final appointment with Dr. Camp yesterday... she said that she doesn't expect to see me again for a year =)  I think I am opting towards having the scars surgically repaired, as they are about an inch wide and indent in an odd way, making me look like I'm wearing really tight underwear or something.

Overall, it's been quite the battle.  I had surgery May 13, 2011 and I can finally say that I am healed and the doc has cleared me for full activity.  I have been back at the gym since Sept. 6 and even though I'm not back to where I was (nor do I expect to be for a few months), but it feels good to be able to run again and lift weights.  I have gained some weight through the recovery... I went into the surgery weighing 135ish and I now weigh 145.  I should be more like 125 after the removal of all the skin so I've got some work to do =)  I love a challenge and I love a goal!

My next race will be Sept 17 (this Saturday) at the Collinsville Italian Fest.  Most of the Road Warriors are going to be doing a 1/2 marathon elsewhere but I hope that some of them come out to do the 5k with me =)  My goal for my time is to be closer to 30min.  I've been running 3 miles every day and I've shed a minute from my previous time already so I am thinking this is a pretty attainable goal. 

My first 5k!!!

Today I ran my first competitive race... it was only a 5k but I'm still very proud for getting myself out there and finishing hard.  My time was 32:33 which isn't the best but I've also only been training for about 2 weeks. 

My wound officially healed on September 1, 2011.  That was the first day that there was no drainage and a scab had formed over the last little bit of opening.  Of course, I am still recovering from poison ivy that I picked up last weekend, trying to help my mother clean up her yard.... and I've got a nasty cold from the change in weather BUT... MY WOUNDS ARE HEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!   =) =) =)

I joined a running club called Road Warriors and there were 5 of us that showed up for the 5k today.  The others came right up to me and started chatting like we had been old friends.  It was great to feel I was a part of a group and had support from them when I was brand new and it was my first race.  About half way through the race everyone was spread out so I was running alone... it was peaceful and so awesome.  We had all kinds of terrain, too.  I was running in grass, gravel, dirt and uneven country roads LOL  My goal was to finish in 30 minutes but I'll take 32 =)  Next week there is a race (5k) at Scott Air Force Base in southern IL.  I will be attending that one... it's in remembrance of 9/11... I'll be really happy to be a part of it!

worth 10,000 words....

 

update! 14 & 1/2 weeks out from surgery =)

I've been trying to stay pretty busy now that I've been discharged from my home nurse and can actually leave.  I figure I have a lot of summer fun to make up for!!!

 

22nd Annual Balloon Fest in Centralia, IL  8.19.11

 

Anna & Mark eating funnel cake and drinking strawberry shake-ups =)

 Perry County Fair 8.20.11 Tractor pull show

(left to right) My little brother-in-law Matt, my son Mark and my daughter Anna

 

Matt & Mark, best little buddies!!!

Before we went to the Perry County Fair, I went to my grandparent's house to help my mom and brother clean up the yard. My husband watched the kids while we worked.  I ended up getting some poison ivy =/  overall it was fun to help out and brought back some really good memories of helping my grandparents many years ago.

My grandmother died last October and it's been pretty hard on me because she's the first person close to me that has passed.  I guess you could say I'm lucky... but I didn't realize how hard it is and maybe if I'd been through it before, I could handle it better.  I miss her a lot.  We were pretty close to her and grandpa growing up because we all lived in the same town.  I took a lot of vacations with them and spent my summers there swimming in their pool.  My grandpa taught me to swim in that pool.  He taught me how to play table pool in his basement.  Grandma taught me how to make award winning spaghetti in that kitchen ;)  I would go over to their house every day after school when I was in gradeschool and watch Jeopardy with them. Now grandpa is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and living in a nursing facility.  It's more like an assisted living center than a nursing home but it is still sad.  He can't do much on his own anymore and he always confuses me with a nurse that works there.  

Anyway... here are some updated pictures of my wounds...

Amazing how fast the size of this left wound is changing!  I took this picture a couple of days ago and it's probably half that size now =)

 

Right side is completely closed and scabbed over still (thank God!!)

As I said a post or two back, I was sent Actipatches to aid with the healing.  I wore them up until yesterday and I think they helped significantly.  Thanks again for sending them, Tracie!  

I had planned on doing a 5k Fun Walk on Saturday night but we ended up doing the fair.  Now that I am so close to being healed, I'd really like to get into some jogging/running.  I can't start the gym again until Sept 6 according to Dr. Camp and I don't want to rush anything and end up screwing my recovery but I'm itching to get out!!  

I have an appointment with Dr. Camp on the 24th (Wednesday), but I might need to reschedule because of the poison ivy =/  Overall, though, I am more positive than ever!  I'm looking forward to getting back in shape and toning up!

It's been a week since my last confession...

ahhh things are looking up friends!  A dear follower named Tracie sent me some actipatches... they are like thin circle bands that you tape down with the wound in the center.  Here is a link: http://bielcorp.com/products/recoveryrx/
I've been wearing one on and off for 4 days and believe it or not, the big wound on my left side is almost healed!! Every time I try to upload pictures to photobucket, they are rejected for being too graphic haha.  I'll figure out a loophole soon enough and get some updated ones up.
So.... my life lately has been planning marathons and I'm itching to start training!  I still plan on doing my first 1/2 marathon on September 24. I know I can do it.
This surgery and recovering has been taking over for the last 3 months and now I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel =)  People have come to me or messaged me to tell me how my struggle and my story has changed their life.  Maybe everything does happen for a reason and this is just God's way of saying that I'm tough and other people needed me to suffer in order to change. 
Oh yeah! My mom called me and said that 2 of my sisters (who are extremely obese) are training now to do a biathlon.... they'll be running 3 miles and biking 10.  I'm pretty excited for them because I think that if they have a goal in mind (such as a biathlon), then they will start taking their health seriously.  I've tried to lead them in the right direction but sometimes it just doesn't "click" with people until they take it upon themselves to see the problem and plan a solution.
Beth has discharged me from home nursing care =)  I'm going to miss her!!  lol I have made a good friend in my home nurse!  As of Friday, the 12th, my front and right side were completely healed and the left side has gotten much smaller.  The red swelling is almost gone and my temperature has been average.  Dr. Camp said that I would most likely be healed before she saw me again on the 24th and I'm thinking she is right!!  How freak'n exciting!?
Mark has been talking about wanting to take a vacation with me... even just a stay at a hotel for a night with no kids, no phones, no obligations.  We need a break.  But, it's completely impossible to find a babysitter that wants to handle a 4 year old and a 1 year old.  Soooo... we shall see.... I'd really like to go somewhere when the wounds are completely closed =)

Oz

I've been watching this show on my Netflix called Oz... it's about the Oswald Correction Facility and covers the lives of inmates.  The first couple episodes are hard to get in to but I was told to stick with it because I'd really like it.  I'm in season 2 now and I love, love, LOVE it =)  Last night, my husband and I watched two episodes after the kids went to bed and a great point was made.  The narrator was talking about how he had been abused as a child and how that had affected his life.  He then stated that he didn't understand why he took the perceptions of a child and made them his current reality.  At the age of 8 or 10 or 12, you're not mature enough to assess a situation correctly.  Therefore, if you continue to harbor these feelings of betrayal, anger or sadness over something that was done to you at a young age, then you could actually be dramatizing a situation that today would not affect you at all.  Some food for thought =)

Last night I went in to Dr. Camp's so they could scrape the wound for a culture.  I am down to one wound now, the left hip, and I'm hoping that I can kick this infection soon and heal up!  It's high time!  I feel like my "cabin fever" is gone and I don't mind staying at home for a few more weeks if it means I will be healed.  Before, I was feeling so well I thought I could handle an outing... but that's proving to be wrong =/ 

1 step up 2 steps back

Felt like crap all afternoon yesterday.  By 8pm, I felt so cold and achy that I took a long hot shower.  Didn't help.  I took my temperature and it was 100.6.  I checked out my wounds and my skin was red around the left hip wound.  I called Dr. Camp immediately because this is what it looked like when I originally got the infection back in mid-June.  She prescribed me 2 new antibiotics (bactrim & clindamycin) and I have to use dakin's solution.  It was like everything was going so well and I even got out of the house for a day... then I'm back to square one with red, hot skin and my wounds have thick green coming out =(  pretty gross and I'm pretty bummed.  There's no way I'm going to be able to start running anytime soon.  I am going to even take a break from walking until I start feeling better.

 

From Friday to Sunday

Beth came over Friday and I took some new pictures of the wounds.  The front is now considered completely healed =)  The two sides are coming really close to healing, too!! 

^^^This is a picture of my right side... this is the side that was not operated on but hasn't closed since the original surgery in May =(

^^^This is a picture of the front, center wound =)  completely closed as of Friday, August 5.

On Friday (Aug 5), I decided to get out of the house and do something with the kids and Mark since he had the day off.  After Beth left, we drove over to St. Louis to the Museum of Transportation and had such an amazing day with our kids =)  I felt really good all day and wasn't sore except towards the end of the day.  It was SOOOO nice to get out and do something and kind of forget for a second what I'm going through. 

Last night my little sister had her graduation party for earning her Bachelor's Degree.  She's pre-med and planning on getting her master's and then eventually her PhD.  I'm very proud of her!!  Not sure what her exact career goal is, but as of now, she's doing a phenomenal job in school =)  We went out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant and I totally pigged out ;)  It'd been awhile since I had gone out to eat and had some awesome food so I don't really feel guilty. 

Anyway................. here are the pictures from today =)  AMAZING what a couple of days in the healing department can do ;)

^^^This is my right side... so close to healing!

Sorry, but photobucket won't allow the other pictures ?! Not sure why because they're just like the thousand other ones I've posted but whatever.... anyway....

I cannot WAIT to be completely healed and able to live normally again!!  Since my husband had off on Friday, I suggested we take a long road trip to the ocean (about 12 hour drive) and just relax on the beach, build sand castles, have a picnic, etc.  But.... he was the voice of reason and said it would be a really bad idea for me to have a problem and be down in Georgia at some E.R.  Ugh.... soon I will be able to just do whatever again!

Check. It. OUT!

I am healing up faster than ever! Well, I can't really and honestly say that considering I couldn't see the tunnels of my wounds healing... but I can see that my front wound is nearly healed and my sides are following close behind =) =)  I feel like doing a HAPPY dance!!!

There is still a (slight) chance I may get to swim this summer!!!  YEE HAW! 

Oh wait... I might not have the body for swimming anymore =/  I am weighing in the mid-140's which on a normal day I would be totally ecstatic about... BUT with the skin hacked off, I presume my weight should be more like 125.... and we all know there is nothing worse than seeing a girl in a bikini that should definitely NOT be in a bikini... so yeah, I better get my butt back walking and in shape!

I don't see Dr. Camp again until 8-9-11 (a week from today), and I'm guessing that if I've healed up enough on the left side, she'll let me know that I can start training for marathons.... this is some serious wishful thinking. 

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right....

My appointment with Dr. Camp on Wednesday went well.... she said that I'm recovering quickly and everything looks good.  I'm very pleased with SIVNA (Southern Illinois Visiting Nurses Association), they've taken great care of me & of the 4 nurses I've met, I have loved them all!  The only bad news I got from Dr. Camp was that I'm not quite ready to start training for the marathons.  She said I should train for at least 6 months for a marathon... so does that mean I need 3 months for a 1/2 marathon? haha I'm so stubborn, I'll be running my first in September or October no matter what. 

The wounds were hypergranulating again, which basically means the interior tissue was healing faster than the skin could cover it and bubbling out of the open part.  Dr. Camp spread silver nitrate over them and as of today, they're looking flat and much better.  There is still a really thick, foul smelling green draining out of all 3 wounds but I'm trying to stay optimistic that the drainage is a good thing and means the infection is getting out. 

I have been walking every day, except Wednesday because they oiled and paved our road.  It feels good to have my muscles ache and the sweat drip off =)  Prior to the surgery I weighed right around 135-140 and right now I am at 142-143.  Doesn't sound bad, but I got 10lbs or more of skin removed... so my weight should realistically be around 125.  The number doesn't matter much to me though, I just don't like feeling chubby.... I want my stomach, legs and arms to be toned and feel tight so that's what I'm going to start working on.  Dr. Camp said to not work the abs yet but I could start strenuous walking, and working my thighs and calves by doing squats or lunges.  The arms I have to be careful with because my chest is still healing from the breast augmentation and I don't want to mess anything up there... basically just working biceps so that my chest isn't used.

Anyway, still changing the dressings twice daily and showering with the glad press 'n seal =/   I guess I'm getting used to this new "normal" of mine...

almost 11 weeks post op

I am finally starting to feel alive again.... I have been taking the kids in my double stroller and going for a mile walk each day.  The heat here in Southern Illinois is excruciating but I try to do a morning walk so it's not as intense.  I can't wait until I'm allowed to RUN again!  I want to beat the pavement with my adidas sneakers =)

I don't take pictures as often because the healing is going pretty slow here lately, but I did take some this morning:

I've been working on my tan a little bit =)  We bought my son a pool for his birthday and while he swims, I lay out in the sun.  Not the best thing for my skin, I know, but I really like the outside time and there's not much else I can do.

The spot bandaged underneath is where the tape ripped my skin and it started bleeding pretty bad =/

This one has come a LONG way... I can't believe it's only taken about 6 and a half weeks for this to almost be healed!  Remember... this is the first picture of it, a day after surgery:

Crazy what our bodies can achieve with the right diet and rest!

Here, you can see the right hip sore that is stubborn and will not go away, even after trying the hydrocolloid, collagen and tefla. blahhhhh

This is the right wound again- where I pulled the 4 inch stitch from about a week ago.  It looks promising but looks are definitely deceiving on this little guy because it has only gotten worse in the last 10 weeks =/

Today is my appointment with Dr. Camp.  I am going to talk to her about some light jogging/slow running and see if she thinks I'm ready for it.  I'd also like to get out of the house and go hang out with friends and family... it's been a LONG 6 weeks that I have been waiting to leave my house.  I mean, imagine being unable to go to the grocery store, get your hair cut, take your kids to the local pool, etc. It's been really hard to not just sneak away and get out of here for an hour or two =(  I want to have a barbeque and some beer at the beach on Carlyle Lake... I want to browse target and buy some clothes... I want to have a reason to put on makeup and fix my hair.  blahhhh.... I'm getting there... I've come along way.  Think positive. Think positive. Think positive.  =) =)  I'll keep researching my marathons and get a year planned out... that'll make me happy!!!

Running to ease the pain

I have found a place to lay my stress, anger and depression... and it's on the asphault =)  I am now serious about starting a marathon challenge:  run a marathon in all 50 states (plus D.C.)!!!  So, though I must sound crazy, I'm only half crazy because these will probably all be half marathons LOL 

I am going to talk to Dr. Camp about it and see when I can start training.  There is a half marathon in Illinois coming up and I really want to be prepared for it but I have no idea if I'll be ready in time.  13.1 miles is a lot of miles and though I was running 2-3 miles easily before I had surgery, I've lost a lot of muscle in the past few weeks. 

At any rate, this goal is keeping my mind off how bad my life sucks right now so that's got to be a plus, eh?

Here are pictures from 6 weeks after the removal of the abscess....

After the Illinois marathon, which is on September 24, I plan on running the Rock 'n Roll half marathon in St. Louis on October 23.  There are 2 marathons in November (Kentucky and Indiana) and then I'm debating on doing a New Year's Eve run... thinking the husband won't be a big fan of that =/  

still here... still fighting...

I received an email today that really made my day =)  Someone shared their story with me and made me feel like I wasn't alone.  She has fought tougher battles than I have and will continue to fight for the rest of her life.  She mentioned that she did not know why she told me her story but felt inspired to do so... I believe that the reason is that she knows pain, she knows sufferring and sometimes just sharing with others can be healing.  I find my blog to be incredibly healing.  Thank you, to all of you who have taken the time to write me and send me your advice, thoughts, well wishes and love.  Truly, it's one thing that helps to keep me positive in this insanity.

If you would like to message me privately, please feel free to email me at ginger.kabureck@yahoo.com

Here are some pictures I took on Monday, the 18th....

This first one is pretty sad... my son drew a family portrait and this is what it looked like:

He told me mommy was first (the one to the far left) and as I congratulated him on his ability to draw (hey, it's good for 4 lol), I noticed mommy had some extra appendages.  I asked him what the line was in the middle of mommy and he explained that my tummy was different and that was my boo-boo =(  pretty sad that now he sees mommy as being "different" but I guess this is all a process and his little mind must manage to deal as well.

So...here are the pictures of mommy's boo-boo....

This stubborn wound will NOT heal... I've had it since 9 days post op and it's only gotten larger...... something totally weird is that today, when cleaning it, I noticed a string under the steri strips... only it wasn't a string, it was a 4 inch piece of stitch!!!!  My nurse thinks my doctor didn't use disposable stitches...?! What the huh?!  You can also see here that the tape has once again made me bleed =/  I've got little scabs and broken skin everywhere. 

Ok... so, getting better... right?  I think so.  I need to believe so.  Today I started researching marathons.  My plan is to run a marathon in all 50 states, one by one =)  There is one on August 14 in Chicago called the Rock 'n Roll marathon.  I realllllly want to go but I don't know if I'll be healed far enough along.  I'd probably do the half marathon because I'm so out of shape but I'm really excited about starting my journey on each state's marathon =) =)   We should be getting a camper by next summer so my little family can do mini vacations and mommy can run! 

9 weeks post op

My appointment with Dr. Camp went well on the 13th.  She said the wounds looked good (minus this bubbling, blister thing they were doing) and that I am healing faster than she imagined.  I told her that I had started taking acidolphillus to balance my good bacteria levels and she was pleased with that.  She told me Beth is doing a great job taking care of the wounds and all was well =)  FIRST good news in a long time!

The aformentioned blister thing going on inside the wounds was another ordeal.  Dr. Camp said that she would need to spread silver nitrate over the areas and she took these q-tip stick looking things and put on this silver/black chemical that instantly turned into a foamy white.  It was painful but manageable.  She explained that there would be brownish/black drainage for the next couple of days.... gag!  My tollerance level of grossness has been surpassed several times in the last few days!!

So, now I'm almost 5 weeks out from surgery... taking a multivitamin supplement, 500mg vitamin C, 50mg zinc, levaquin, bactrim, ibuprofen or percocet, and acidolphillus.... I'm also drinking a protein shake and eating tons of vegetables, fruits and lean protein.  Getting plenty of rest, too =)  I believe I'm doing everything in my power to heal as quickly and efficiently as possible so the remainder of the work I'm handing over to God, because I'm spent and could use some answered prayers!

pictures from the 10th & 11th

This is how it looks bandagaed up... you can see it's leaking out of my lower left hip. 

Truly nothing pretty about this =(

I'm going to have a really weird indent when the front is done healing =/  definitely going to need reconstructive surgery but I don't want to even think about that right now!

The tape is really doing a number on my skin =(

This is my right hip where a little opening has been since 9 days post op.... last night while changing the dressing, I noticed a foul smell and thick mucus-like pus. Now I am keeping acetic acid and gauze on it, as well.  Beth said the staph infection could have very well spread across my abdomen and reached to the right side now.

When am I going to get GOOD news?!

I keep thinking that soon enough, someone is going to tell me some GOOD news but nope... just got a call from Dr. Camp's office that the culture came back from the new infection and I have staph again.  I don't know if it's the same strand and it was never cured or if this is a whole new strand.  Either way, this sets me back even further with my recovery and now I am on more antibiotics (levaquin and bactrim).  I'm scared to death being around my kids and spreading this to them.  I'm scared my body can't take much more.... I'm scared my MIND can't take much more!!!  I am washing my hands like crazy, wiping everything down with lysol and trying to keep the kids away from the wound area as much as possible. Ugh... it's so frustrating!!!!!!   Keep me in your prayers please!

8 weeks post op body lift...

I was able to do the night wound dressing change myself.  I procrastinated until almost 8:00 p.m. and then decided I just had to get on with it.  I got all of the supplies out (gauze, wound spray, long q-tip applicators, anti-fungal powder, ABD pads, Acetic Acid, medipore tape, skin prep, Palmer's Oil, trash bags, underpads, compression garment, gloves and Glad Press 'n Seal)....

The first step was showering; I had to wrap the old dressing in the Glad Press 'n Seal and be very careful to not let anything get wet.  Supprisingly, the stuff works pretty well and I had no problems....

After my shower, I dried off and laid down on the underpad.  I had Mark hand me things as I needed them.  I put on gloves and removed all of the old dressing and put it in the plastic trash bags.  The gauze that was packed in the wound was really mucus-like and totally barf-a-licious!!!! New gloves. I took the wound spray and sprayed around and in the wounds and wiped them clean. Then I had to take the long q-tip applicator and really dig into the tunnels to clean them out... OUCH!

When I felt comfortable that the wound was clean, I soaked some gauze in the Acetic Acid and used the stick part of the q-tip applicator to push the medicated gauze into the tunnels.  I covered both wounds with extra gauze.  Then, I sprinkled some of the antifungal on the yeast spots and dabbed the area with the skin prep like Gitta had done. Once finished with that, I covered the whole area with two 5x9 ABD pads and taped them down with the medipore tape.  I put on my compression garment and was finished!  It took me about 45 minutes to do the whole process but I'm really proud of myself for not getting grossed out by changing the dressing myself.  I like it much better when Beth (my home nurse) does it because then I don't have to know what's being done- I just close my eyes and try to breathe through it!

These were taken today, 8 weeks post op original body lift and a day shy of 4 weeks for the removal of the abscess.....

pretty freaked out by the yellow in the wound on the bottom picture =/  I guess time will tell and I'm praying that the infection goes away and the rest of my recovery is smooth!

Trust me in all your thoughts.

I know that some thoughts are unconscious or semiconscious, and I do not hold you responsible for those.

But you can direct conscious thoughts much more than you may realize.

Practice thinking in certain ways- trusting Me, thanking Me- and those thoughts become more natural.

Reject negative or sinful thoughts as soon as you become aware of them.

Don't try to hide them from Me; confess them and leave them with Me.

Go on your way lightheartedly.

This method of controlling your thoughts will keep your mind in My Presence and your feet on the path of Peace.

-Psalm 20:7; 1 John 1:9; Luke 1:79

More bad news....

Had my appointment with Dr. Camp this afternoon... she is the surgeon that removed the pus pocket. I'll start out with pictures and then for the bad news.......

Here you can see the red yeast spots right above the incision line

If you look on the incision line a little to the left of the wound, you can see kind of like a small crater spot- this is where Dr. Camp removed a stitch knot.  There were 2 other spots that had to have these knots removed and are now open sores =(

And the last picture shows the green infection in the center of the wound =(

That's right, I have another infection =( =( =(   The worst of my fears became a reality.... when Dr. Camp began pulling out the gauze that Gitta had packed, there was this green goo, kind of like mucus on the gauze with both of the wounds.  She immediately said that it was an infection, especially with the funky smell (my words, not hers). Dr. Camp explained that having the wound vac on and taking antibiotics enables infections to actually begin.  Basically, the antibiotics take away all bacteria, even the good bacteria so with having the wound vac on and not allowing the skin to breathe, I guess it was prone to happen.

More bad news... as I wrote under picture 2, she had to remove 3 spots that had stitch knots coming out so more open wounds =(

More bad news.... Dr. Camp does not want to ever sew the wounds up because I have a new infection and she said that after 1 week, I may get the wound vac put back on just depending on what she sees. In the meantime, the wounds are going to be packed with gauze and acetic acid.  They have to be packed twice daily and my home nurse can only come out once daily soooooo I get to do this myself or with Mark's help =(

More bad news... I'm in PAIN. Not having the wound vac on makes my abdomen just kinda fall apart it seems.  Even with the compression garment, I just feel really open and susceptible to more infection, cramping and the wound not healing.

The least of my worries is the yeast spots... but that's an annoyance, too.  Dr. Camp said that it will take about 2-3 months for scar tissue to form over the wounds which means any hope for bikini this year is GONE and any hope to even feel somewhat normal anytime soon is definitely GONE =(

There's this saying I love and it helped me with staying on track with my dieting....

God please give me:

The courage to start

The patience to train

The wisdom to rest

And faith to finish!

I need to realize that even though I got a lot of bad news loaded on my shoulders today, I'm still alive, I still have a beautiful, supportive and loving family, I am slowly still healing and I will take from this wisdom and strength.  Lord, please keep me strong.

Anna is 1!!!!

my baby girl turned 1 today =)  she's just really a doll baby!  I love my kiddo's so much!!! 

Gitta, the wound specialist with Southwestern Illinois Visiting Nurses Association (SIVNA), came out today to check out the wounds.  They smelled really bad for the first time which worried me but Gitta (pronounced gEE-duh) said that it was normal with this heat.  Additionally, there were some yeast spots on the skin which she said would cause the foul smell. Treatable, so I'm not going to concern myself with the yeast.... my skin hasn't been able to breathe with the wound vac drapings on (clear sticky sheeting).  Today will mark having the wound vac for 3 weeks... feel like I should celebrate.. NOT.

Last night I had a nightmare that kept me up for awhile... I dreamt I was blind and had to have an eye operation and when the surgeon removed my eyes to put in new ones, he switched them up which left me still blind but unable to go through another operation.  The reason I say this was a nightmare is because I saw the whole operation take place and it was so vivid and real... pretty terrifying stuff.  I rarely have nightmares so I hope that the trauma of everything I've been through in the last 7.5 weeks isn't an indication that I'm going to start having them =/ 

I have an appointment with Dr. Camp today at 4:45pm, not sure what she's going to want to do but I'm hoping to have some progress instead of her looking at the wounds and telling me it's back to wound vac for another 2 weeks.... although all 3 home nurses that have been out in the last week have all said that it'll be another couple of weeks with the vac and the possibility of a skin graft.  I'm pretty terrified of the skin graft =(  Wish I could fast forward to a month from now where this is all over with.... or is this ever going to be all over with?!

I'm so stressed out and depressed lately... I don't want anyone coming over (excluding immediate family) because I don't want them to see me like this =(  It's like I'm suffering alone because no one quite understands what it's like to be in my shoes.  That letter I received yesterday really set me off.... I mean, who has the right to judge me other than the big man upstairs?!  The surgery was my decision and I don't try to please everyone because it's my life and I'll do with it what I want.  I just want to ask.... where is the line drawn?  Like having lasic eye surgery, is that vain? Is that cosmetic? Am I a bad person because there is risk and my kids could end up without a mother?  Or how about mole removal?  The fact that it could be cancerous is a concern but if I had one removed, am I going to receive a letter telling me that it's not worth it because I got an infection from a faulty surgeon?! 

Anyway, rant over... my emotions are way out of whack trying to deal with everything and trying to put on a happy face for everyone.  Well, I'm NOT happy. It's been a long time since I've felt happy.  This surgery was intended to make me happy and it's shredded the last (almost) 8 weeks of my life. The last thing I need is someone telling me that I didn't need the surgery and it wasn't worth it! I am emotionally, mentally and physically spent. I don't even remember what "normal" for me is.... I'm constantly checking times to take medications, walking around with a wound vac, trying to eat as healthy as possible with high protein and high vitamin C, unable to keep up with the housework... etc, etc. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Appalling to say the least....

"Dear Ginger....

You looked wonderful before, you did not need the surgery..... You have two beautiful wonderful kids.... they could have not had their mom. The surgery to look better is not worth it.... Let me tell you dear no matter what surgery we may have, one day we will ALL have sagging skin, breast that may hit the floor... can't take our looks with us, so why not enjoy life for what it is. I have this special poem... about kids just wanting us to spend time with them... kids are born into this world without a thought of judgment. They learn it for {sic} us and the people around them..... This is all that really matters... Just being there for our children."


PLEASE.... walk in my shoes and THEN write me this.  I have struggled with my weight and appearance my ENTIRE life.  I have been abused mentally and physically.  I took action and lost the weight and DID SOMETHING FOR MYSELF!!!  How dare I? you may ask, well HOW DARE YOU!!!  I have been fighting recovery for over 7 weeks because of a surgery millions of women get every year.... and NO, I never thought it would be ME to get an infection.... and I never thought it would be ME that would receive a letter portraying me as a bad parent because I chose to have a cosmetic surgery.  Ugh! The nerve of some people! 

This is a letter received from someone I do not know.... and obviously, do not wish to.  To everyone that has been there to support me through this and show genuine love and care, THANK YOU.

7 weeks post op body lift, 3 weeks post op abscess removal

Days have been getting better since my birthday... that night my daughter crawled officially for the first time.  She has been pulling up on things and attempting to crawl for almost 2 months but she finally figured it out and is non-stop now =)

The following day I decided to keep the kids home for the first time since the hospital where I would have them for a few hours by myself.  I'm still on the wound vac and limited to my mobility but I thought I could figure it out.  This was Thursday... neither one of them woke up until 10:00 a.m. (both had gone down at 9:00 p.m.) and they were both in great moods and low maintenance.  Anna took a 3 hour nap which helped, and by the time she woke up, Mark was on his way home.

Friday my mom came over to help with the kids and they were a little harder on me.  I try to get a little bit of light housework done each day but it was just impossible Friday.  Both kids were pretty needy and finally by 2:00 p.m., with the help of my mom, we got them both down for a much needed 3 hour nap.  Mark came home at 3:00 p.m. and was able to mow the grass by the time they were up and ready for some attention.  This is Anna, after her nap coming out to watch daddy put the tractor away:

She is just a doll baby! 

By 6:30 p.m. I was whooped yesterday.  I felt swollen and cramped =(  It seems that if I'm on my feet for any extended period of time, I start to get in pain.  I've also been keeping a really good check on my diet, trying to stay around 2,000 calories, eat lots of protein, vitamin C and drink tons of water.  I weigh right at 140-142, which is a decent weight but eventually (once I'm healed of course), I'd like to reach 125-130.

I think the worst part of this whole deal is constantly being connected to the wound vac.  It comes with me EVERYWHERE.  The first few days it wasn't bad because I only got up to potty.  But now that I'm trying to do a little bit of folding laundry, dishes and cooking, it seems that it's always in my way and getting the cord caught somewhere.  Annoying!  Several times I have forgotten about it, stood up and started to walk away and then YANK! snaps me back!

Beth came out yesterday to change the wound vac and assess the healing and she said that the center, lower abdomen wound is healing really well by itself and she doesn't think it will need to be surgically closed.  However, the hip wound is a little different.... the skin has attached itself to the fatty tissue and will stop closing even with the wound vac.  She said worst case scenario, I would have to get a skin graft but Dr. Camp may just separate the tissues and then stitch it shut.  Guess I'll find out Wednesday what she wants to do.

I have pretty much quit taking percocet and rely solely on ibuprofen.  The pain is pretty much still constant, just not as severe as in the past couple of weeks.  Maybe I'm just starting to get used to it =/

I'm so glad I started this blog long before my surgery so that I would have an account of this experience.  I never would have imagined this kind of outcome, but I hope that it will be beneficial to those facing surgery. 

In a normal summer scenario, I would be taking the kids to the zoo, to the parks, camping, to the beach, to feed the geese... I wanted to take my son to Union Station for a day of shopping and food because he loves trains... etc, etc. Soon I might get to enjoy some of these activities but I'm guessing it'll be the beginning of August before I feel that I can even stand up long enough to do any of these =/  At least I'm alive and staying in good health for the most part... can't wait until Wednesday to see what Dr. Camp wants to do!

It's my birthday & I'll cry if I want to!!!!

Booo... I'm 27!  Or 21 for the 6th time? Whichever way you want to look at it.

I wanted to go see the ocean for my birthday =/  no gifts, no cake, just drive straight to the ocean on the shortest route with the kids and husband.  He said it was cool so I was set to go... then June 11 happened and I'm stuck to a wound vac. 

ugh.....oh well, not much I can do about it.  My mom is coming over for lunch and my kid sis & kid brother are coming over tonight.  I wish I could drink but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.  I guess that one wouldn't hurt, but that'd just be a tease.

I called Dr. Bradley's office yesterday to see if he had signed a note for my gym, just saying the date that I had surgery so I could put a hold on my account and the secretary Mary Ann said that he didn't feel comfortable writing a note.  WHAT THE F!?  Ok, I pay you 18,000 freaking DOLLARS and you make my life MISERABLE for 7 weeks and counting... AND YOU CAN'T WRITE ME A NOTE THAT SAYS, "GINGER HAD SURGERY MAY 13, 2011" ??!?!?!?!?!?!?  Ewwwwww I'M FIRED UP!!!!!!!!   My gym membership costs $700 per year for our family (including daycare) and they were nice enough to put my account on hold IF and only IF they got something in writing from my surgeon stating the date I had surgery.  AND HE WON'T?!?!?!!?  THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!!

Ok, rant is over.  I will deal with these emotions when I'm healthy and have the fight back in me.  I'm only going on partial steam.  But when I get better... ahh... better leave it at that.  Happy f'n birthday to me!

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months

over-analyzing a situation;

trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've,

would've happened....

or you can just leave the pieces on the floor

and move the fuck on.

-Tupac

I got to meet Dr. Reid yesterday at Dr. Camp's office.  He looked at the wounds and said everything is healing nicely and healthy looking so my fear's are gone.  I will probably be over-cautious for life considering what I've been through, so when I had increased pain, an elevated temperature, redness and yellow drainage I wanted to see a doctor!  My temp had come back down by the time I went in yesterday so I think whatever made it spike, my body fought off.

My mom came over yesterday and bought me this to match my bikini... http://www.keysswimwear.com/Becca_2011_Hot_Tempered_Cover_Up_p/5060171.htm  I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!  Here's a pic of my bikini, but I have it in a bright yellow =)  

I'm sure I'll take pictures of me wearing it altogether soon!

It's nice to think that even with these wounds, I'll still eventually get to be in a bikini... might be next summer but that's ok, I can live with that =)  I'm alive and healing quickly, I have that to be thankful for.  Marky came home last night and I was so happy to see him and to spend time with my mom #2 and Matt.  I'm so blessed to have such an amazing family and extended family!

Here are some pictures of the wound from yesterday... Beth says that the skin is starting to curl under which means that the wound will stop healing and she said that Dr. Reid may want to seperate them and open it up a little so the skin continues to pull together.  However, Dr. Reid said that he saw no reason to do that and he wouldn't plan a reconstruction for a year!  WHAT?!  I told him Dr. Camp said she would close it up in 3-4 weeks after the wound vac was on as long as everything healed smoothly and he said, "Oh, yeah, well okay."   Derf-dee-derf!  Geez, the last thing I need is another doctor's opinion that is totally off-based considering he doesn't know much about me, my past or my expectations.  Blah.

Anyway, here are the pics from yesterday =)   If you compare these with the pictures I took 2 weeks ago, you can see how much I've healed... it's amazing!